Sleep Study

email 3/15/10

I have my overnight sleep study tonight, so I'll spend the night at a sleep studies facility, and I'll remain there until around 5PM tomorrow, because they also want to me to take naps in certain intervals to measure my brain activity during those as well. It'll be a fun day. The weird part is that I can't have my companion with me, because I'm over 18. ( I don't know why there's that dumb rule.) Anyway, I'll have to go all by myself, without my companion, for a whole day. Scary! He'll be in a threesome with the english elders who live in our apartment for a day. Of course, I do get to sleep in a queen size bed with a plasma screen TV at my fingertips (Tempting as it may be, I don't think I'll be watching any TV.)

This week flew by. The other 3 elders got sick this week as well, so all 4 of us had some nasty virus. There were several days where we had to retire to our apartment early due to our sicknesses, but we still got a lot of work done despite the minor setback. It's a rocky situation with our baptism that was scheduled for this week. Carlos still really wants to get baptized, but his wife, who is a member, is convinced that he's not ready. It's an interesting situation, and we just want to do what's best for Carlos in the end. I've spent a lot of time praying for help and answers, hoping with all my might that in the end we'll do what's best and that the Lord will make His will manifest unto us. It's frustrating sometimes as missionaries, or even as hard-working members of the church, to see that our earnest efforts don't always yield the desired results. I've learned the lesson that we must account for the agency of all of God's children BEFORE we assess our role or adequacy in these efforts. Certainly, we desire their salvation out of a sincere love for those whom we serve; however, their decision in the end is their own problem, not ours. Being willing to submit our will to the Lord's means that we are happy and find fulfillment in doing our part and bringing to pass His will and work.

Neal A Maxwell advised in speaking to those who endeavor in the service of the Lord the following: "Now may I speak, not to the slackers in the Kingdom, but to those who carry their own load and more; not to those lulled into false security, but to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short...The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance... The scriptural advice, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength” suggests paced progress, much as God used seven creative periods in preparing man and this earth. There is a difference, therefore, between being “anxiously engaged” and being over-anxious and thus underengaged. Yes, this is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage, and our personal progress should be yet another way we witness to the wonder of it all!" (P.S. you should read this talk for more awesome details: "Notwithstanding My Weakness" by Elder Neal A Maxwell)

Being patient with myself in my own personal progress is sometimes a great struggle, as I know it is with many of us, but I know that as we rely on God He can make our weaknesses become strengths.

I am happy in the Lord's service. I love you all, and thank you for the prayers.

              -Elder Shepherd

email 3/8/10

I had a cold this week, which really stinks when you're a missionary. You feel like garbage and you can't go out and work and give it your all. We still had a very successful week and got a lot accomplished despite that setback. If all continues to go well, we'll have a baptismal service this week for Carlos! (Pray for him! Please!)

My appointment with the sleep doctor is tomorrow, so I still don't have any details. The appointment tomorrow is only a consult for the overnight sleep study I'll have to do at a later date, so there still may be some time before we get down to the bottom of things.

One of our recent converts had the roughest week of her life this last week. Her family treats her terribly-they're always stone drunk when we go over there, and they harass Maralean about being a member of the church. Maralean's a single mother with 2 kids under the age of 5, and she can't move away from her family because her income won't support them if they move out. On top of things, her father, living in Puerto Rico, got shot on Tuesday and he died shortly thereafter. She was really depressed when we won't over to her house. Of course, everyone else in her family was just super drunk, drinking their problems and their lives away awaiting cirhosis of the liver. It's a tough situation. I was at a loss for words. I rarely ever am at a loss for words, but when she told me about all of it this week I just didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything clever or witty. All I could say was testify of the reality of our living Savior, Jesus Christ, and how He could help her bear her burdens. At times like that, it's sometimes difficult to be bold and testify amidst all of this darkness and suffering; but we can't abandon the things we know to be true just because the going gets tough, and we get a little bruised or battered along the way. At times like that it's more important than ever to stay close to the Savior and His teachings. If you find yourself in times of trouble, open your scriptures and get on your knees, and cast your burdens upon the Lord. Sometimes we have heavy weights to carry, but you don't have to carry it all by yourself.

Javier and Emalita, a couple with 2 daughters that we've been teaching, both still want to be baptized really badly. The only problem is that Javier still is hesitant about getting married. It doesn't make sense to me, seeing as they're living as if they were married right now. A legal document saying that you're married wouldn't change their living style or arrangement in the slightest. If anything were to change, it would improve their relationship in that they would be legally bound to one another and consequently more faithful. Emalita wants to get married, and she was really frustrated with Javier this last time we went over there. She asked several times, "What are you waiting for Javier?"  I'm convinced that they're just not communicating with one another very effectively, or that they never talk about these things when we're not in the home. So many problems can be solved simply by improved and increased communication inbetween parties. This principle is true for all of is in many aspects of our lives. Effective communication is key.

So, last night we were visiting Maria, a recent convert, and her husband Carlos. They had 3 or 4 other friends over at the time. The weather has been really good the past week in New Haven, and it feels like springtime. Anyway, Maria and Carlos bought a Barbeque Grill, and they were assembling with a couple of their friends when we came over. We helped them assemble it, and then they moved it into their house and hooked the propane up. I quickly advised them that using the barbeque indoors wasn't such a good idea considering the fumes and smoke it produces. I guess they didn't really think it through, seeing as they have never used a BBQ grill before. Good thing I was there-that could have been bad.

This week was great, and our spirits are up. The next transfer is on the 22nd of March, and I really don't want to leave New Haven. This is still my first area, but I've loved every minute of it here for the past 5 months.

Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I love you!

        -Elder Shepherd

I don't know of a good subject for this email...‏

email dated 3/1/10
So, my companion for a little while has really struggled with his Spanish. I've only got 6 more weeks than him in the mission, and we actually overlapped in the MTC and knew each other from there. I've been very reassuring to him as a companion and done all I can to help him boost his confidence and speak in the way he wants to speak. When you get in a teaching situation with someone it can be pretty intimidating at times, especially when you're not speaking your own language, and I imagine, for my companion, that he lets the 'fear of man' get in his way. He struggled for a while on why he's not speaking as well as I am yet, and of course Satan tried to convince him that it was because he didn't have any faith or was unworthy to be here-both assumptions are horrible lies. This last Friday, we had a lesson with Carlos Chavez, a man we've been teaching ever since I first got here. His wife was baptized just before I got here in August, and she's been working with him as well, but his conversion reached a turning point this last Friday when my companion bore the sweetest testimony I've ever heard in my life in Spanish. He usually speaks very little, and I prod him in lessons to speak more, but this time when I passed it off to him, he felt the warm assurance of the spirit and began speaking boldly, not knowing beforehand what to say. I've never felt the spirit so intense before with Carlos, and we immediately set a baptismal date with him while he was in tears at the witness he received from the spirit. After that sweet experience, I made sure that my companion knew how he had been used as an instrument in the Lords hands to do His work. Elder Beals won't soon forget that, and he's been happier and more confident ever since.

No more news this week about the weird sleeping occurrences. I have an appointment next Tuesday with the doctor, so I won't know anything more until then. Be reassured that I'm fine and healthy, and that I'm taking good care of myself.

A general authority visited our mission this last week. His name was Elder Richards (I don't know his first name) from the Quorum of the 70. We had a zone conference with him, where he talked a lot about obedience (always a missionary topic...) and how to recognize and utilize the spirit in our teaching and in our lives. It was a pretty great conference all in all, and I got randomly picked to get interviewed by him and his wife. It was pretty cool getting to talk one and one with a General Authority (that's never happened to me before). He had some good advice for missionary work and also for my future after my mission. What a neat experience!

Yesterday at church, the Temple president and his wife from the Boston Temple came and spoke at our ward. It was pretty cool-they talked a lot about temple worship and how the ward here needs to 'step it up' and get out to the temple more often. He also brought some other people from the church who took pictures of our chapel and ward building, because they're thinking of modeling a temple in Albania after it. The reason is because in Albania, there isn't a 1 acre plot of land ANYWHERE to put a temple, so they're thinking of remedies. One would be to model it after our ward building here, which is more like a 4 story apartment complex turned into a chapel. It would have all the square footage they need in somewhat of a 'tower; format, but wouldn't take up nearly as much space with it's grounds. Anyway, it was only a thought, but I thought it was pretty cool that he shared.

The missionary work in this area is going super well, and my companion and I have 2 or 3 baptisms lined up in a couple of weeks. We're both pretty excited as well because right now we're teaching 3 families, which is unheard of anywhere in the northeast, ESPECIALLY with Spanish people. Everyone I've taught until now has been from a broken family (All of their family is back in their home country, they're here for work, they're separated from children and spouses, etc...) The 3 families we're teaching all have 2 daughters, within the ages of 2 and 5 years old, so they're all in pretty similar stages of life. It's interesting to see how they interact with each other as investigators of the church and in sharing similar problems with little work, money, and being far away from home. All the Hispanics, members included, in this area really come together to help one another out. It's such a blessing to be here to witness all the service that takes place among many of these faithful Latter-Day-Saints and their friends who are struggling.

It rained every day, all day, last week. Then it finally snowed last Saturday. It melted really fast though. The weather, besides being really windy, looks pretty good right now.
I love you all, and you are in my prayers. Remember who you are and what you stand for!

-Elder Shepherd

Drowsy‏

emailed dated 2/22/10
So this week was really interesting. I've been pretty tired on and off throughout the days, and so I've been falling asleep at random times. I haven't fallen asleep in any discussions with any investigators, but I did fall asleep while my companion was sharing a spiritual thought at a dinner appointment with a member. I just fell asleep sitting at the table, and woke up in time for the closing prayer. It was pretty embarrassing. Anyway, they wanted me to see a Neurologist to find out why I've been falling asleep randomly. I told them that it was just because I work hard, but they didn't buy it. Anyway, so I got to see the neurologist this week, and it was pretty fun. They did an EEG, which means they hooked my head up to 20 or so electrodes and measured my brain waves for about 30 minutes. It was pretty fun. No results yet-they're probably just going to come to the conclusion that I'm lazy. Anyway, that was probably the most exciting thing that happened to me this week.

This week I've gotten more doors slammed in my face than ever before. Usually people are pretty polite about it, but there were several people who didn't even open their doors, but yelled at us through the door. New Haven has been harassed by Jehovah's Witnesses for years, so the initial hurdle is always to convince people that we're not Jehovah's Witnesses. Once they know that we're not JW's, they're usually really nice to us and receptive. In New England, no one opens their doors until they yell at you through the door first to find out who you are. Once you knock on their door they always yell," WHO!?" (or "QUIEN" if you're a spanish missionary). After we announce ourselves as missionaries they always yell again, "WHO!?" just to make sure that they heard us right. I once taught someone the first missionary discussion through their front door.

The bus is always a really exciting experience too. I've taught discussions sitting on the bus many times, and we always get to talk to people since the city buses are so crammed that we always stand or sit right next to a stranger. Just the fact that I'm a white person makes me stick out, so they ask me where I'm from. Then the follow up questions result in good discussions.

We're still working with a Mexican couple who wants to be baptized but needs to be married first, and another new couple that we started teaching this week. My whole time here I've been teaching single men or women, who have broken families because their whole family is back in their home country. Now I'm teaching 3 families. It's pretty exciting!

We helped a woman who has been working on restoring a house for the past year move a ton of furniture and junk around the house. The house was built back in 1913, and it has TONS of cool junk that the previous owner collected through the ages. It even had some cool 'Beatles' merchandise (records and photos), and lots of antique furniture. One thing I've come to love about New England is how unique all the homes here are. They're all really old, and they're all really unique in style and architecture. It would be really fun to restore a house like this woman we helped is doing.

I'm running out of time again, so I'll have to sign off once again. I love you!
-Elder Shepherd

ACT and not be ACTED UPON‏

email dated 2/16/10
Yesterday was Presidents Day, so the library was closed and I couldn't email. Anyway...

The huge snow storm finally hit New Haven this last week. It was pretty awesome. Everything was completely whitewashed, and we were forced to walk in the blizzard all day. It was pretty intense, and I now have more 'classic missionary adversity' stories about tracting in the blizzard, all day, with 50 MPH winds, walking uphill both ways, in the middle of winter, with high humidity. It's a good thing I love the snow so much.

I was reading in 2 Nephi this week, and a familiar passage of scripture in chapter 32 seemed to coincide with many of my thoughts and feelings this week. 2 Nephi 32:7 talks about how Nephi is really discouraged that his people reject the words of the prophets and the Lord, and how they will not obey or understand their words even when it is taught to them with power and clarity. It affirms the conclusion that I've come to that even if the best teacher in the whole world (One might submit that he was Jesus Christ) taught a gospel principle with power, authority, perfect clarity, and with the confirming witness of the spirit, that people would still CHOOSE to not obey or understand-they would elect to be governed by their own lusts rather than God's will (Similarly, this also happened with Jesus Christ). As a teacher of the Gospel myself, it's both sobering and very humbling to know that even though much is required of me through my personal efforts and studies and teaching unto skills, that the end result of whether or not they choose to accept what is being taught is completely independent of my ability to control. I can't exercise someone else's agency for them. Nephi continues in chapter 33 when he says that the spirit carries the message unto their hearts, not into their hearts. They must accept it for themselves. Learning isn't a passive process, whether it be in history class or missionary discussions. We have to learn by faith, which means that we must ACT, we cannot be ACTED UPON. A teacher cannot act upon their student and force them to learn, nor will rote memorization or recalling of information signify that someone is learning. Indeed, we must learn by faith, and we must be active participants in our own education and salvation.

This principle hit me hard this week when my companion and I were expecting 6 investigators to be at church, and 0 showed up. These people had given us solid commitments during the week to make it there, and we had taught them the principle of attending church over and over again with power and clarity, and we had organized rides for several of them who didn't have ways to get there, and they still didn't make it to church. I echo the Lord of the Vineyard in Jacob 5 when he said, "What more could I have done for my [investigators]?" After all I could do, I couldn't force them to learn or to act.

The library is closing early, and I have very little time to write, so I'll have to wrap up.

I love you all, and I'm healthy and doing fine. I appreciate your prayers, and I feel them bolster me up.
-Elder Shepherd

Miracles and mercies‏

email dated 2/8/10
I was really worried as transfer calls came last night that I would get transferred to a new area, but I'm gonna stick around in New Haven with Elder Beals-I really love New Haven, and I still have so much work to do here. This week was a pretty amazing week-I see daily miracles out here-several stick out in my mind from this last week. We've been teaching an older woman who hated the church-her daughter was baptized a year ago, but was inactive for a while, and she just ripped on the church hardcore. She refused to even talk to the missionaries when they used to go over to her home a year ago, but 2 weeks ago, she told us that she wanted us to teach her everything from the beginning. Last Thursday, I was reading through her old teaching record of when missionaries tried to teach her a year ago, and the missionaries talked about her being a mean, grouchy woman who only argued with them and had no desire to learn or change. That evening, I taught her and she testified to me that she knew that the Mormon church is the only true church on the earth today, that the Book of Mormon is true, and that she finally found the strength she needs to quit smoking. She thanked me later, and said that the thing the finally clicked with her was the 'virtue in my face'. She said, "I look into your eyes and I see your conviction. I can see Jesus Christ in your countenance, and the virtue in your face convinces me that this is true." I have been praying for a long time that God would use me as an instrument in His hands, insomuch that others would be able to see Him through my example, and He answered my prayers in that woman's testimony. She will be baptized in coming weeks.

I am also teaching a couple right now with 2 daughters, ages 4 and 5. The parents both want to be baptized, and understand the doctrine very clearly-everything except the law of chastity. They're not married legally, and I told them that they had to be married to each other before they can be baptized. The husband still didn't want to, but the wife said, "I'm getting baptized, with our without my husband. So if I have to move out to convince him that I'm serious, I will." Her faith surprised me, and I couldn't help but chuckle at her husbands nervous and desperate response after that. "W-We-We'll get married! Just give me some time, woman!" They're getting married soon and will be baptized in coming weeks as well.

There are some amazing things happening, and I justly attribute them to the mercy and goodness of God. I have been so touched by the tender mercies of the Lord, in my life and in the lives of those whom I serve every day. He is preparing His children all over the world hear and accept the gospel, and He is working miracles in their lives as they come unto Him with broken hearts and contrite spirits. I eagerly anticipate the coming months, the miracles, and the personal growth I will have through my trials and struggles in His service.

I finished the Book of Mormon this week from start to finish in Spanish. Due the promise of an apostle that if I would read the Book of Mormon in it's entirety in Spanish that I would be fluent by the time I finished, my companion said,"It's official, you're fluent!" I still have a lot to learn, but I have definitely seen how I've been richly blessed in this righteous endeavor, and how, just through studying the Book of Mormon, I have grown in so many different ways. The Book of Mormon is a true book, and it has an amazing power to change us, help us, guide us, and strengthen us, in whatever endeavor we pursue. Read it-please! Just read it! There isn't a single person on the earth who won't benefit enormously, spiritually and temporally, from reading and abiding by it's precepts.

I love you all very much, and I pray continually for your welfare. I pray continually that God will bless and keep you.

With much love from your favorite Elder Shepherd,
-Elder Shepherd

I got a new email address‏

email dated 2/1/10
The church upgraded the missionary email, so this is my new email address. Make sure you mark the change! My address is now: blocked, (if you want it, please contact a family member)

Just so you know, this Friday is my 6-month mark. Weird, eh? Crazy. Wild. Unbelievable.

So I guess that Christian has 3 ulcers in his stomach. Christian is the last person in the family that I expected to have ulcers. I would have expected it from how high strung and stressed some of the rest of us are, but not in a million years from him. I guess it is due to all those jalapenos and hot sauce. I told you that stuff would kill you someday...

So I am teaching a super awesome family. The parents are both from Mexico, and they have 2 daughters who are 5 and 4 years old. They love reading and learning, and they are pretty much ready to get baptized. The only problem they have is that the parents aren't legally married, and in order to get married here, they would have go through the court (they aren't legal citizens here) which means that they would get married, baptized, and then immediately deported, and the family would be split apart. I've already seen it happen once with a family who got married, baptized, and then they sent the father and the 3 children back to Ecuador, and the mother was forced to stay here for loads of other money and legal issues. Immigration law is so annoying. Many of them had visas, and came here legally, but the law changed since then, and now they're legalization was made 'void', and they are no longer considered legal. I'm learning a lot about immigration law here. It's really heartbreaking to see the dire circumstances many of the Latinos here are in. We recently baptized a woman who was forced to leave her 5 children, parents, and brothers and sisters in Ecuador to come here so she can work at the McDonald's and support all 10 of them because there is NO food and NO hope for her family back in Ecuador. She can't go back because she doesn't have enough money, and she can't bring them here, and they are completely dependant upon her McDonald's salary for their livelihood. I could tell dozens of stories just like hers.

A woman in a similar circumstance asked me the question this week, "Why do some of us have harder trials than others? Why is my life harder than theirs?" That's a very difficult question to answer, and I couldn't really relate to her circumstance from my own life experience, but I do know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the answer to all of life's questions and problems. I related to her why it was that we have trials, why we suffer sometimes, and what God expects of us through it all. All of us are unique in our life experiences and trials. God knows us, better than we know ourselves, and He has prepared a way for us in this life to learn, grow, and come back to Him. Each of us has a unique and different burden to overcome in this life. My problems aren't the same as someone elses, but that doesn't mean that God deals unjustly with His children. He knows the struggles that we must go through to grow in our faith and testimony, and He knows what we are capable of overcoming, even when we don't believe enough in ourselves to do it. He is just, but He is also infinitely merciful and compassionate.

Don't let your problems overshadow this eternal truth: God is our Heavenly Father, who loves us more the we can comprehend. Jesus Christ is our Savior, and he prepared the way for us to repent of our sins, and receive mercy at the Judgment. The best answer I can give is what Nephi said to the Angel in 1 Nephi 11:16-17. The angel asks Nephi, "Knowest thou the condescension of God?" and Nephi answers, "I know that God loves His children, nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." At first, this answer kind of seems like a cop out, but in all reality, Nephi gave, in my opinion, the best answer possible; that is, "I know that He loves His children." How much suffering could we spare ourselves if we would just hold fast to this truth: God loves us, no matter what. How many people would be spared from depression if they just knew that God loved them? How many people would remain in fellowship with the church if they knew that regardless of what they've done, God still loves them? Doesn't this truth set us free? How differently do we look at life and our problems and trials when we hold fast to the knowledge that there is a supreme being who loves us with all His heart! What kind of attitude do we embrace? After a tragedy in our lives, we often say to ourselves, "Where was God?" The reply: "Well, I don't know the reason that happened, but I KNOW God loves His children." When we can take this attitude, we can overcome any problem that life throws at us. You don't need to know everything, or the reason for exactly why things happen the way they happen or in the time they happen; however, you do need to know that God loves you, and will never forsake you.

I have to go, but I love you all, and I pray continually for your welfare.
-Elder Shepherd